So.. There are just some things that I would like to say. Facebook friends, you've heard some of these before. The rest of you: here's something new. Look at the pictures below for help or examples.
- Maybe it's the belly dancer in me. Maybe it's just me. But I find and exposed midriff and covered everything else a lot sexier than when girls have their boobs falling out of their shirt and their butts barely covered. To me, hips and a toned (read, healthy. Not freakishly thin. But, quite frankly, a little bit of meat on her bones is sexy, not gross.) stomach are WAY more attractive
- I find it tacky to curl your hair and not shake it out. We know you curled your hair. ESPECIALLY since you didn't bother to move it out of its curling-iron chunks. Six curls on your head = not cute. Multiple, windblown, shaken out curls that might not be perfect = AMAZING!!
- Light brown swimsuits aren't cute. They don't look like swimsuits. They look like you're naked. Don't swim naked in a public recreational spot. It's not cute. Get bright colors and fun patterns!!
- Barely-there swimsuits aren't sexy. Honey, I don't care if you do have a friggin' Kim Kardashian butt, I don't want to see all of it. Thongs aren't cute. Nor are those teen-niny string tops with stickers just large enough to cover what's necessary. Quite frankly, boy shorts/brief bottoms and halter tops are way cuter. Or those cut-out one pieces. But, cover yourself, please. Fall Out Boy should not apply here. You shouldn't be saving a little bit of spine for his mattress. Save a lot bit. Feel sexy. Don't go out naked.
- Photoshopping your flaws out in photos doesn't fool anyone. Don't soften, blur, and airbrush your photos to death. You have pores, you have freckles, you have blackheads. Love your skin. Wash it, drink lots of water, take care of it. It will look prettier if you do. Don't just kill your face.
- When buying foundation/concealer, make sure it matches your skin tone! If you get really tan in the summer and really pale in the winter, buy two shades. So. Many. Girls in my high school walk around with poorly matched foundation. They look so chalky and terrible and you can tell where their makeup ends. The two sides of their jaws are two TOTALLY different colors!
- Bronzer. Yes, it can be your friend. No, it is not your foundation. Don't treat it as such. It should go on your forehead, nose, chin, and cheeks. The APPLES of your cheeks. Not your whole face. Darling, you are not naturally that tan. Use it to your advantage. You aren't Snooki. You can't run around with bright orange skin. I will not allow it.
Ladies, thank you for your time. I hope these tips help you. Share them with your friends. Use them yourself. You aren't the only one that looks ridiculous. And they aren't the only ones that look goofy. Help each other and, together, we can make a beautiful world. Now for pictures.
Yes, I am aware that she is having her hair curled. That's okay. Just as long as she doesn't leave like that.
So, that swimsuit (the tan one) isn't that bad. However, I was using Google. Which is scary to begin with. And I don't want porn on my blog. You want that? Go somewhere else. I'd be willing to bet that littler ones and family people read this.
Look! I have pores! I have freckles! I have a zit! I have discolored places! I think Taylor Swift is gorgeous but CoverGirl went overboard. I do believe this ad was banned in places due to airbrushing gone wild.
So, the Ellen picture isn't because of her flawless foundation. It's actually a screenshot from her CoverGirl ad for foundation and how crappy it is when it doesn't cover correctly.
Don't go out of the house looking like Snooki. Just.. don't. If you think she would do it, steer clear.
I hope you found this helpful. Thanks for reading.
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