Thursday, October 6, 2011

Sexy Beast PART ONE

So today is my best friend/fellow Sexy Beast/nose's birthday. She's turning fifteen and cutting class to go get her permit!! (She's such a rebel.) So I just wanted to wish her a happy birthday! And tell her that her card-- which I forgot on the back of my couch-- is FREAKING AMAZING!
And, no. Her birthday is not being overshadowed by pajama day. (Even though pajama day is pretty freaking awesome..)
Uncle Ricky, the eyebrow, is wishing her a happy birthday, too. As is our child, Madame Lilly. And so is Oliver (her car). She was brought into this world by a Baby-Vac 2000 and shall be taken out when she dies before me. (Unless she pushes me down the stairs, which she always threatens to do whenever I point out that she'll die first.)
I thank her for finding the Baby Wipes and saving me from being molested by blankets. jajajajajajaja (<--- that was Spanish laughter.) I would totally stand in front of a tree for her. (She says she would do the same but.. She's going to hit me in the butt with a bus so... Yeah.)
(Oh and Evan TOTALLY is a booger that makes people eat their boogers. Teehee ILOVEYOUEVAN!!!! xD)
She is my Spanish AND French speaking buddy. (Crayon baguette is "pencil wand") and her razor is Lord Voldemort (not sure how we came to that conclusion..)
We smuggle Mexicans together and hide them on her couch, underneath Snuggies, and under her computer desk. She is the Timon to my Pumbaa (our relationship is INCREDIBLY similar to theirs..)
I love her, even if she thinks that gloves are hamster clothes.. "It's Claires! Not We-Sell-Gloves-Mart!!!"
I'm not sure how these relate but I'm creepering her Twitter and these are two of her tweets that I favorited..
"Where would we go? IDK Ukrainia!?"
"What's a hobag? a bag of hoes?"

I've never heard of the "Famous Chair" either.. But we did survive a year with the teacher who thought cardboard would stop geniuses from cheating and that Popsicle sticks decided our fates.. The only reason I'm able to type this now is because of the electricity that is powered by wi-fi and that fact that I can't afford pajamas. xD 
I am an ostrich sleeper but Gabby thinks that Sarah Palin is a figment of her imagination. *cues Spongebob "Imagination" rainbow*
For those of you who don't know, Gabby is a black Jewish Mexican woman. (That was she IS the minority.) She is also a curry taco. (Because she is Indian. How.) I get to be the lumpy pasta taco..
She is not allowed near my children when she is wearing her boots. (They're baby-killing boots, you know.) But she worships Morgan Freeman--- he's God. Duh.
"not to be a creeper, but your boyfriend lives on the third house to the left once you pass the golf course" "....creeper!"
If you were a pigeon, you would be flying away right now.
Waterproof mascara is like having a small child holding onto your leg...they won't let go.You think it's all gone and you look again and AH.

She has boys on ALL the continents and surfer boys in Tennessee (that's because she's a flirtbucket.) She is legit-- too legit, too legit to quit-- and sexy. 

Hair driers are wonderful for blowing your hair around like in those shampoo commercials =)
:) Sex Ed is the only class where you can make 'that's what she said' jokes and still be on topic for class.
*that would be inconcievable*
THE CLIFFS OF INSANITY!!!!!!!!! when his head comes around the corner, hit it with the rock! My way isn't very sportsmanlike...
And I will go up to the six fingered man and say 'hello. My name is Inigo Montoya, you kills my father. Prepare to die.'
Hmmm...soap is not my friend

So... If you haven't realized.. I just copied and pasted tweets. There was no better way to sum her up. And they made me giggle.
So, Gabby, I LOVE YOU!! Happy birthday, stinky-cheese-head. We need to go coneing.

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