Thursday, August 2, 2012

The Dentist

I went to the dentist today. I needed some cavities filled. Needless to say, it entertained me greatly. I'm going to give you a string of events, and they won't form a story, but they will be fun snippets.

I sat down, and the assistant said that there was a new dentist, and he was a man. Except for, her words were, "He's a man now." Like, he wasn't a man last week, but now he is.

He walked in and said, "Yeah. I've seen her before. We go way back. I knew her when her hair wasn't green."

They shot me up with Novocain. First, I got four shots in the right side of my mouth. (By the way, the shots don't hurt at all. I didn't think he was doing it. BUT the needle looks absolutely terrifying. It's this huge metal syringe, and looks way too hardcore to fit into my mouth.) Then, after he had been drilling, I winced and got two more shots on the right, in front. This was at 11:30. It's now 5:30. I still can't feel my mouth. The ones in my cheek have worn off, but the last two are still kicking.

While they were waiting for my shots to work, they X-rayed my mouth. The assistant was having problems, because my mouth was too little. Fun fact: I have very groovy teeth. They have really deep ridges AND extra ridges.

Then, they began working on my face. It was weird. My mouth was full of cotton. Not the normal wad in the jaw, wad by the tongue. No. They gave me a rubber thing to hold my mouth open, so I wouldn't have to keep it open while they did it. So that filled the left half of my mouth. Then, I got two or three wads to keep my tongue out of the way, plus the standard one to hold my cheek out. And, because of my tiny mouth and lack-of-muscle-control, I got a cotton pad on my cheek. (The assistant kept sucking my cheek with the water-sucky device. So they put that there.) It was like a quilt in my mouth.

Dentists work in your mouth. But why does everything taste so nasty? The numbing gel tasted like bubble gum, the Novocain nearly caused me to vomit on the dentist, all the tools tasted icky, and the fluoride foam was disgusting. It doesn't make sense to me!! My saving grace was that they kept a near-constant stream of water in my mouth.

Moving on, they were working and the assistant had the tools angled so they were poking my tongue. It didn't hurt or anything. It was just unpleasant. So I made a face. The dentist asked if it hurt, I shook my head. The assistant asked if it just kind of hurt my gums a little. I nodded. To that, I got a nudge and a, "Well, you could've told me that!" Yes. I could've told you with my mouth full of tools, hands, rubber, and cotton. Thankfully, a sassy reply of, "She's not going to tell you it hurts! You'll give her another shot!" I laughed in my mind. In reality, I probably just wrinkled my nose.

I never knew how much my mouth would stretch until today. There was all sorts of things in my mouth. Every time I thought, "Nothing else can fit. I'm stretched to the breaking point." Something would stretch my mouth even farther. It was pretty cool.

After my fillings, I went to have my teeth cleaned. As the woman was sucking out the fluoride, she kept asking me to close my mouth. I honestly thought I was, but I had no control. Eventually, she would just hold my lips closed for me.

All in all, it was a pretty schnazzy visit to the dentist. I really liked everybody there. They were all really nice and funny. And I thought y'all would enjoy my oral stories. =)

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