Sunday, July 8, 2012

The Meaning of My Blog Title

So, in case you guys don't know, my blog is titled "Masochistic Beaver on Adderall" or just "Masochistic Beaver." I just wanted to check in and figured I'd explain my blog title.
Masochism is deriving pleasure from punishment. A beaver is... Well, it's a beaver. And Adderall is a drug used to treat ADD/ADHD.
I am not a masochist. I am not ADD. And I am not a beaver. The name is just an inside joke between an old friend and me. Her mother jokingly told us that we had tried to do nearly everything together except start a band. We tried to start a band that night. While creating hardcore, purposely obscure, indie band names, our two favorites were "Masochistic Beavers" and "Penguins on Adderall." We combined the two.
When creating my blog, I needed a funny, yet unusual name for it. "Masochistic Beavers on Adderall" was the first thing that came to mind. But, since there was only one of me, I made it into only one beaver.
I think the word "masochistic" came to mind so easily thanks to Twilight. When creating the name, we were still in the grip of being teenaged Twi-hards. A famous line from the novel is "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb. What a stupid lamb. What a sick, masochistic lion."

And there you have it, folks! The Masochistic Beaver on Adderall!

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

I recently watched a movie (and by "recently" I mean "I just finished watching this move") called "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." This will be about that movie. But not a review. More over, the thoughts it triggered. Here's the trailer, because I don't want to sum it up.

(Fun fact: I really like this movie and highly recommend watching it. However, I really do not like Jim Carrey. I think he's obnoxious.)

The whole point of this movie is erasing memories. And, as a thought, it's a brilliant idea. You erase a terrible relationship. No more heart ache, no regrets, no anger. Just, nothing. Your life would be, from your perspective, perfect.
But the whole idea of erasing memories freaks me out. Memories are what make us people. What make us unique. Memories are what separate me from you. We can look exactly the same. We could be identical twins. However, we'd be different. We'd have different memories. Essentially, if it went far enough, that procedure could erase who we are. Which freaks me out.
And, when it comes to failed relationships or bad experiences, that's what makes us smarter. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." And, honestly, I wouldn't erase any of my bad experiences. I learn from them, I grow from them. My relationships are trial-and-error. "Oh hey, it isn't good for relationships when you set their mailbox ablaze. I won't do that again." Next relationship, no burning mailboxes. But I learn that you shouldn't submerge their cats. So I learn. With every failed attempt, we grow stronger. We learn what to do and what not to do. 

I really hope I've communicated thoroughly in this and I didn't seem like some heroin-addict monkey. I've just been staying up super late recently. And I don't like that. My summer bedtime is supposed to be 2. I've been staying up until 6 or 7. So, brilliant me, I've decided to stay up all night and all day and then go to bed earlier tomorrow. Maybe this will work. Maybe it won't. But it will leave memories for me to grow from. And that's all that matters.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Ageism

Ageism is prejudice due to somebody's age. And, being a teenager, I see it a lot. It really isn't right. And it isn't cool to do. So I will talk about the various "kinds" of ageism that teenagers, and young people in general, see.

The first one revolves around babies. I've gotten many dirty looks in public, because I dare to be seen with a baby. The baby isn't even mine, he doesn't look like me. However, since I am young, and simply holding the child, he is mine. And we all know what teen moms are like. They all sleep around, are totally irresponsible, won't go anywhere in life, probably tried for the baby because they want to be on MTV, the list goes on.. And on.. And on. But none of it's true! Sure, there are some girls out there that do that. But I shouldn't be forced to wear a scarlet TM on my clothes for simply holding a child. My mom once overheard a nasty comment from a complete stranger because of my brother and I. When I was born, she was 21 and married. Kyle came along 2 years later. She was still married, to the same man. However, because she looked young, it was disgraceful to have kids.
But, honestly, there's no way to win with teen pregnancy. If you keep the baby, you're going nowhere in life and you're a failure and aren't fit to have a child. You're automatically put on welfare and supported by the government. You won't go to college, may or may not finish high school. Your baby daddy will leave you. If you give the baby up for adoption, you'll regret it and wish you hadn't and become a psychopath. If you abort the fetus, you're terrible and selfish and just killed another human being. And, if you are the father, you're a bum and took advantage of her and will leave your child. You're a deadbeat dad and terrible. Your honeymooning stage will only last so long, then you'll leave her. It's really a lose-lose-lose sitatuion.

The second one revolves around appearance. I have a teal mohawk. I oftentimes wear crazy makeup. I get praised for my free spirit and individuality. However, for every compliment I get, I get two glares when I go out in public. I'm automatically a punk, no-good, a rebel, destined to dropout of high school. I automatically smoke and drink and party. I'm the conservative mother's worst nightmare, the person that they don't want their kid to become. However, if they took the time to get to know me, they'd know I make A's and B's. They'd know I love classic movies, Tchaikovsky, and detest underage drinking/smoking. But I am young and look differently than they do.
Don't get me wrong. Teens are just as responsible for stereotyping based on looks as adults are. But I rarely ever get a glare from a fellow teen for having a shaved head. More often than not, they'll stop to pet the sides of my head.

Third one revolves around money. Jessica and Stacy were both stereotyped in this way. A restaurants, waiters will often glare and treat teenagers poorly. We get it, you want a tip, that's where a lot of your money is made. We're no strangers to the plight of lacking funds.
Jessica says that, "Anytime my friends and I would go out to eat, our waitresses would be SO rude and we'd get the worst service. THEY assumed that because we were young, we wouldn't tip well. I was ALWAYS a good tipper. They missed out." My mom got the same treatment once, and the guy wound up fired for it. But, honestly, you would get great tips if you were nice to a group of teenagers. No, we don't have endless pockets. However, if it's a decent group, we'll all chip in a few bucks for tip. I know my friends and I once went out to get pizza. Our waiter was so nice. We spilled two drinks and he just laughed it off. At the end of the night, our waiter got a really nice tip. There were about seven of us. We couldn't tip him more than a few bucks each, but, by each contributing what we had, he got a really hefty tip. (Note: It was all in ones and loose change. But money is money.)
Stacy got stereotyped in the stores. "The store clerks look at you weird and keep checking on you because they think you won't buy anything, you'll just steal." Yes, there are teens that do steal. However, that's not every single one of us. Mall cops once followed a group of friends and me through the mall. Apparently, we were too big of a group, so we were a gang. So many stores asked us to leave, because large groups of teenagers provide distractions for one of us to be able to steal. It was ridiculous. Then, to make matters worse, the fire alarm went off. No less than three mall cops vaporized out of thin air around us. We were nowhere near a fire alarm.

Fourth one is mental capacity. A lot of adults feel that, since I'm a teenager, I'm not capable of forming intelligent thoughts. Katie would often have people stop talking to her once they found out her age. Cass was told that she was too young for things. (I don't know what things they were. Because telling a twelve-year-old she's too young to drive, okay. But telling a seventeen-year-old she can't go to pride, no.) Recently, I was involved in a debate/argument on YouTube. The "gentleman" that I was arguing with told me that "once I grew up I would understand, and they didn't feel like wasting their time on a silly, clueless little girl. I should go crying to Mommy and Daddy, and let them tell me their grown up opinion. I still have a lot of growing up to do." I was yelled at to "GROW UP" and told that they weren't that clueless at my age. Because, since I am younger than thirty, my brain is obviously not capable of rational, adult thought. I'm just a silly little girl and don't understand anything about the world. Another YouTuber was so nice to chime in that I was "zit-faced and pea brained. I was dumber than a load of bricks, obviously a blond. And, that, if I was their child, they'd slap me." (Note: Hair color has nothing to do with intelligence. And, I may be young, but physical abuse is not the way to educate a child.)
It just really rubs me the wrong way when people seem surprised or amused by my thoughts or reasoning. I deserve a say in matters. I'm clever when I agree with you. Don't smirk when my thoughts differ from yours. No, my brain is not fully developed yet. However, it won't do a thing when I'm constantly being put down, belittled for my age, told that I'm not smart enough, that I need an adult's opinion because I'm not capable of rational thought. I am an Honors student. I work my butt off to get A's and B's. I just left a school for the gifted and talented. I understand such concepts as Schrodinger, Freud, and Fibonacci. But, if I offer my opinion on such matters as education, gay marriage, or anything else that adults discuss, I'm just a foolish little girl.

Finally, there is general stereotyping. And, of course, they can't stereotype the good or neutral things. They can't assume that we'll be studying every night to ace our exam, or tutoring each other in Spanish. They just stereotype that we'll be drinking or smoking. Nessa was often looked at as a demon child, because her peers drink and smoke, they automatically assume that she does, too. That's entirely unfair. I don't consume alcohol. I've never even put a puff of tobacco in my lungs, much less marijuana. But teenagers before me have kind of destroyed any record I could hope of having. Lexi was kicked out of the talent show in middle school, because "all the sixth graders didn't sound right."

I hope that, through this, I've prompted some of you to think before you judge somebody based on age. Sure, they may have pink hair and a nose ring. That doesn't make them terrible people. And the girls in jeans and tshirts aren't automatically saints because they don't look freaky. All in all, we're people, too. We have feelings that get hurt, just like yours. In fact, I would venture to say that ours are hurt more easily than yours. Being a teen, we have enough to deal with. We don't need your glares and whispers. Thank you very much for treating us like real people. We think. We may not always have the best thoughts, but we're still learning. Give us time. You wouldn't belittle a toddler for stumbling and falling while learning to walk. Don't belittle us for stumbling. As my parents always say, growing up, we're going to fall on our face sometimes. But that doesn't make us down-and-out.


Huge thanks to my Swamp Family for their additions to this! I love all the feedback I got for it, and tried to include everything I got. If you didn't make it in time, feel free to comment below! <3 Thanks again and huge hugs!


Update: Kelsey is told, by her mom's boyfriend, "you're seventeen years old. What do you know?" whenever she tries to give her opinion on something.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Tattoos Part 235

I'm very picky about tattoos. And I change my mind quite a bit about what I want. However, I've started to keep a notebook of tattoo-ideas. The way I see it if I still want the same tattoo when I'm old enough to get them, I can do it without much regret. However, if I don't want it, oh well. It was an idea. So here are some of my current favorite ideas:

  1. I want to get feet tattoos. I just like them. And I want my mom and dad to write a little note to me on my feet and get those notes tattoos. Nothing long. I don't need an epic poem, my feet are only an 8.5! But just "At least it wasn't towels <3 Mama" would be nice.
  2. A Fibonacci spiral on my back. I'm quite in love with math and Fibonacci. I'd want a large shoulder piece, but I don't want a lot on it. I want something very simple. Plus, it would be a sort of tip-of-the-hat to Mrs. Booth, one of the most influential people in my life.
  3. I want children. And I think it would be really awesome to have their feet tattooed up my side. Like the traditional baby feet, but with a twist. I only have two shoulders (reserved for Fibonacci) and I want four kids.
  4. As a nod of the head to my ChaCha and Grammy, I want to get "to die would be an awfully big adventure" and a fairy (maybe Tinkerbell, maybe not) at the base of my neck. ChaCha loved Peter Pan and Grammy loves Tinkerbell.
  5. A Lord of the Rings quote. This one doesn't have a profound meaning or anything. I just like it. "The crownless again shall be king"
  6. Then, for my Granny and PopPop, I'd love to get a little frog with a mustache, chef's hat, and John Lennon glasses and have the little frog be holding a whisk.
  7. "Be humble for you are made of earth. Be noble for you are made of stars." I just think it's entirely romantic and fantastic that we are made of stardust.
  8. "We are such stuff as dreams are made on" I just love that quote. Dreams are a source of endless fascination for me.
  9. This one I am very on-the-fence about. It is a quote from the Bible. However, I found it in A Wrinkle In Time by Madeline L'Engle. I really like the quote, but I'm not a religious person. I never have been. And I don't want people to get the wrong idea from it. But, what the heck! I have years to decide. "And the light shineth in the darkness. And the darkness comprehended it not."
That's it for now!

Monday, July 2, 2012

#ToMyFutureKids

There's a trending topic on twitter that's "To My Future Kids." I have a lot to say, and 140 characters won't cut it. So here we go.

To my future kids:
I really don't care what you grow up to be and what you do while you're growing up. As long as it doesn't hurt anybody, do whatever you want. If you want to dance, dance. If you want to play sports, play sports. If you want to be an artist, just let me know what you need. However, whatever you choose to do, you better be the best you can be at it. You don't have to be number one. I don't expect to give birth to the next Picasso (though that would be nice). However, I won't tolerate a few half-hearted stabs at a canvas, or a slow jog around the soccer field. If you're going to do something, you commit to it. You don't have to grow up and go to college on a soccer scholarship. If you don't like, you finish the season and don't do it again. But you give your all at whatever you choose to do.
Don't let anybody tell you that you can't do something. In fact, use that as inspiration to work harder. If somebody tells you that you can't really dance, use that to fuel your drive. I'll be there cheering you on all the way. You can do it.
Don't be afraid to make mistakes. You'll mess up. If there was one way to live life, we'd be born with an instruction book. I know that I'll make mistakes. Mommy won't be perfect. However, mistakes are what make you unique. And never regret anything you do. If it made you happy at some point, then it's done its job. Just let it go when you're done. Forget about it and move on.
I don't care what you grow up to be, as long as you're happy. If you want 45 tattoos and 12 piercings and to be a musician, let me know when your next concert is. If you want to be a teacher, or a lawyer, or a dancer, you go! And that also goes for sexual orientation. Son, if you feel more comfortable as my daughter, become my daughter. Daughter, if you aren't so into boys, you'd better let me meet your girlfriends, for we'll hold the same standards no matter who your partner is. As long as you're happy and know what you want to do in this world, I've done my job as a parent. (But I better get grandkids out of one of you.)
You will finish high school. You will finish college. You will not skip school without my permission. You will be respectable citizens. Period. End of story. I don't care what you choose to do, but you will get a degree in whatever-it-is.

To my future daughters:
You are gorgeous. The other girls are silly, and jealous, and don't know how to deal with their emotions. Don't let them tell you you aren't good enough. And don't tell them that they aren't good enough. You're perfect in my eyes. You'll be perfect in somebody's eyes. Just give it time. Growing up sucks, and isn't for sissies. Your weight is fine, your nose isn't crooked, my hair stuck out in crazy directions, too. Just ignore the naysayers and be your own person. The people worth being with will see how perfect you are. If not, Mama will have Daddy beat them up for you. And the boys (or girls) you bring home better treat you with respect. I don't care what their appearance is, they better be a nice person and tell you how pretty/wonderful/smart/funny you are. Basically, they'd better think about you the same way I think about you.

To my future sons:
Oy vey.. You're the reason why my hair is graying. Let's see.. The same thing I told your sisters goes for you. But don't be afraid to go into theater instead of football. Don't be afraid to like opera better than screamo. Don't be afraid to be unique, and go against all gender stereotypes. I'll be there to support you the whole way through. You'd better respect everybody you meet. I don't care if you don't like them, you'd better respect them. If you ever get into a fight, I'll kick your butt. You'd better treat all your partners with respect. No matter what they say, do, look like, act like, you will support them. If you don't like the relationship anymore, break it off. But be respectful about it. Stop rolling your eyes. Girls, what I said to your brothers applies to you, too.

I love all of you equally. And you will all drive me crazy at times. I might yell at you. But that doesn't mean I don't love you. You're-- quite literally-- a part of me. All of you. So love each other. One day, I won't be here. One day, you'll be all you have left. You will always be siblings and you will always be my babies. =) <3 And I am Italian, so I will have no fear of guilt-tripping you. Let's just clear that up now. There's so much more I will want to say to you, but I'll say it when the time comes. Until then, stop that. Whatever you are doing that you know I won't/may not/might possibly/could ever not like. Stop it.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Why Teddy Roosevelt was the Coolest President Ever and Why FDR Sucked in Comparison

Why Teddy Roosevelt Rocks My Socks:
He was a sickly child, but Teddikins (my affectionate nickname for the greatest guy ever) went on to do so many things.

  • He was born in October. Which is, like, my second-favorite month. So, right there, he was a pretty schnazzy fellow. Then, he was born in New York, which is my favorite state ever. So, by sheer due date and location of entry, Teddyursa is pretty well-off.
  • He's the second child. Number two.
  • At age seven, he saw a dead seal at the market. Instead of being traumatized, sickly little Teds-Boggins became fascinated in zoology. He even asked for-- and got-- the seal head. Then, he learned about taxidermy so he could kill and stuff his own animals. 
  • At age nine, he wrote a paper about bugs. Just because he could. What a little perdy-nerdy Teds-McGuffin was.
  • He had a photographic memory. He could dictate two separate things to two secretaries at the same time and flip through a new book. If that isn't smart, I don't know what is.
  • He had a serious heart problem and the doctors said he should get a quiet desk job. But Teedie didn't. He chose a very strenuous life.
  • His wife and mom died on the same day. Teddy never spoke of either death. He kept a diary. The entry that day was, "X The light has gone out of my life."
  • Three outlaws stole his riverboat. Teddy hunted them down. But, instead of killing them, took them to a trial. He guarded them for forty hours, reading to keep himself awake. 
  • He married a woman named Kermit. And had a son named Kermit.
  • He's the only US President to be awarded the Medal of Honor. 
  • When McKinley died, Teddy kept his ways. He didn't replace them with his own. It was like McKinley was still in office. Except he was dead. And Teddy was there. And, let's face it, Teddy was way cool. Why?
  • McKinley died from a gunshot. Teddy was shot and, without seeking medical attention, gave a speech. Why? Because he figured that, since he wasn't coughing up blood, he would be okay and hadn't been gravely wounded by a gunshot to the chest.
  • His speech was ninety minutes long. He began it by saying, "Ladies and gentlemen, I don't know whether you fully understand that I have just been shot; but it takes more than that to kill a Bull Moose."
  • He was an avid hunter. He killed everything. His house is actually kind of creepy. But still really cool. He has everything in there!
  • The Boy Scouts named him Chief Scout Citizen.
  • He led the Rough Riders.
  • He dug through a country. Laterally, of course, but still. He commissioned the Panama Canal and was there for the entire thing.
  • "The old lion is dead." was the announcement his son Archie sent out after Teddy died of a heart attack.
  • He boxed, even though he was blind in one eye, due to a boxing accident.
  • "Tread softly and carry a big stick."
  • He kept a badger as a pet. The badger was named Josiah.
Now, why FDR sucks in comparison.
He was a sickly child. But, instead of growing up to pwn the whole world, he got defeated by mud. That's it.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Thinspo

There's this new "craze" going around called Thinspiration, or Thinspo. As you can probably tell from the name, it's inspiration for becoming thin. They give you healthy eating and weight-loss tips. However, much of what I've seen, is borderline anorexic.
And not the, "Oh, she's thin. Let me put her down by commenting on her weight" anorexic. Actual anorexia nervosa. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Here's a quick definition:
Source
Source
Source
This is not healthy. This is not weight loss for health. This is pro-ana (pro-anorexia). This is terrifying and a plague upon both our houses. (Sorry, I needed to quote Shakespeare..) But, seriously, it's terrifying. Because there are girls and boys who read this stuff, believe it, and then repeat it.
Now, I have no problem with weight loss. I even pin some things. Because they're healthy for you. It's just saying, "Hey, want to lose a pound? Here, just burn x more calories than you eat." or "Here's some healthy foods that boost your metabolism." None of it encourages people not to eat. It's sick.
The average US woman is 5'4". At 5'4", a woman should weigh 124-138 pounds. A whopping 33 pound difference. The average newborn is 7.5 pounds. So, basically, the thinspo woman can carry four newborns and be at the low range for average weight.
I know that everybody is a different shape and size. I know that a "healthy weight" is different for everybody. I have a friend who's naturally tall and thin. Another who's short and thin. I'm short and dense. I know people who are tall and dense. The point is, people should be encouraged to get to a weight that's healthy for them. So, no. Taking somebody that's healthy at 130 and telling them that they should be at 100 isn't healthy. 
And guess who thinks like that? Who thinks that a perfectly average, healthy weight is fat? And who doesn't eat? And who prides themself on not eating? Anorexics. That is a common denominator of anorexics. A fear of food. Or a loathing of food. Or a fear of becoming "fat."
Now, a question for the girls who pin and blog and "tumble" Thinspo because it's "attractive." Do you think that constantly being cold is sexy? How about mottled, sallow, greyish skin? Fatigue? Constantly being sick? Hair loss? Are those sexy? Because those are common side effects of anorexia. As is death.
And the tips for how to hide not eating. (That isn't even thinspo now. That's purely pro-ana.) That's disturbing. That is a mental illness. It's not to be prized and praised. Not to be shown to the world. It's horrible. You're, essentially, hurting yourself and those around you, so you can be "pretty enough." Stop. It isn't healthy. If you really want to lose weight, there are healthy ways to do so. Seek those out. Go to your local gym. Or just research. But, please, stop this. It's messed up.

Now, for some videos:

I feel like I've poorly phrased this entire thing. That I'm attacking people. That I'm just scaring them. That I haven't gotten my point across. But I'm hoping these videos made somebody somewhere think and act upon their thinking. And not pro-thinspo. Anti-thinspo. Fitness and health and exercise and balanced diets are healthy. Losing weight is normal. Pushing your body to the extreme and bullying yourself and not eating are terrible and dangerous. Those behaviors aren't normal. Especially if you feel like you have to hide it.